This is Serious

Hey Lifers....

First let me say, yes you're at the right place. I changed up the blog look a little bit. Hope you don't mind.

Now usually I like to keep this blog light and amusing. Or at the very least, I like to put out content that makes you laugh. Sure the laughter is directed at me, but that's OK.

But today I have something a little more serious. Actually it's a lot more serious.

The other day I happened to be on my local newspaper website reading through some news when over to the right of the page a link caught my eye. It was a link to the county sheriff's web site. I clicked on it and another link caught my eye. This one was to view the registered sex offenders in my county.

I had never been on this site before. In fact I didn't even know it existed. I was able to plug in an address and see all the registered sex offenders within a two mile radius. Not only was I able to get names, but it also had their picture, where they lived, and what they were charged with.

I plugged in my home address, and was relieved to find that none of my neighbors were listed. I then plugged in a business establishment I knew of that was downtown. To my surprise there were 72 registered sex offenders within a 2 mile radius of that address. I couldn't believe it.

72. And that's just the ones that are registered.

So I did what we all should do. I looked through every picture. I checked every address. And I looked at every charge.

I post this tonight for a couple of reasons. One, as you know, I have clowns. I have clowns who go to public school. I have clowns who go to Karate class, and are out in the community. And because I think we should all be aware of who are neighbors are, and who's living in our towns.

Now I won't defend any of these people, but also I don't know them. I don't know their story, and I'm sure they all have one. But I think it's important for us not only as parents, but as members of the community to be educated.

I encourage each of you to go to your county sheriff's website and look this information up. Find out if someone you know, or more importantly someone your clowns know is on there. You may be surprised. I know I was.

J-Tony

Christmas Programs....suck

Hey Lifers...

So as if I didn't already have enough of the bah humbugs, tonight we had one of those elementary school Christmas programs. You know the one where your clown stands up there and sings some stupid Christmas songs while you search for a sharp object to ram through your eye just to get away from the old lady sitting next to you that smells of cheap perfume and stale cigarettes.

Yeah, one of those...

OK so maybe you're thinking, oh it's not that bad, or you'll cherish these moments some day. Maybe you're right, someday. But tonight is not, someday. Nope, tonight is pure and simple...hell.

Now for a father of two girls the pain of this night starts a few weeks before the actual event, with the dresses.

Yes, each girl clown must have a new dress. And this new dress must be accompanied by new shoes and of course some sort of sweater to go over the top of the new dress you just purchased for no less than a small fortune....are you starting to feel the pain?

On the evening of the event it is rush, rush, rush. Rush to get home from work. Rush to get baths for the clowns. Rush to get dinner done. Rush to get said girl clowns ready. Because you have to get there early to get a good seat right? So all this rushing around is followed by whining, arguing and plenty of girl sassing....apparently my nine year old feels she should be allowed to wear eye make up.

So now all this rushing around has paid off as we're only 15 minutes late and are forced to squeeze into the back of the gym bleachers next to that smelly old lady.

Now at this point the only thing better than having your five year old put a knee in your back while sitting in the sauna, I mean gym, is having someone else's five year old put a knee in your back.

Finally after listening to the third graders butcher Beethoven on the bells, and the choir chop up Jolly Old Saint Nick, it's on to a rendition of the classic A Christmas Carol, elementary style...thank goodness for smart phones. Yep...that's an hour and half I'll never get back.

And to think. I've still got five years of these things...

J-Tony

A Day in the Life...

Hey Lifers...

So I'm finally feeling better. We'd been fighting the flu, strep, and just about every other nasty germ thing over here the last couple of weeks. So for the last couple days we've all been back to normal, and because of that I thought I'd grace you with some of my random crap today.

So while I was ill the last week or so, I found out that no matter how bad I feel, and no matter to what degree I puke in the middle of the night, my DW will not come check on me. Apparently, according to her, the volume at which I hurl is very annoying....my apologies Luv. The next time my intestines decide to come out my mouth, I'll try to keep it down.

I  realized recently that Ellen Degeneres has got to be the best white dude I've ever seen dance. I mean, for a white dude she can really cut a rug.

Over the last few years I've become somewhat of a scrooge. Don't get me wrong, I love the true meaning of Christmas. You know, getting the present. But it's all the other stuff that drives me crazy. Getting out the tree and all the decorations. Rearranging the house to make room for it all. It's just exhausting. Not to mention the crowds at the stores getting in my way and on my nerves. I mean for crying out loud, don't people have better things to do on Christmas Eve. Not looking forward to that.

So my fantasy football team sucks bad this year. Last year I lost in the championship game. Every week I was glued to the t.v and watching scores. This year, I've won all of 3 games. Now here's the kicker. Tonight on MNF I've got two guys playing and need 21 points to win. Not unheard of. And not only will I win this week, but I'll knock the reining champion out of the playoffs. So it's a pretty big game for me to save a little face. So I couldn't wait to watch tonight. However, because Dish Network sucks, my Satellite has been out all day. The DW called them tonight and the tech support, if you can call them that, says we can have somebody out on Wednesday to take a look at it.

Well of course you can.....

Then the douchtard says, so other than not having a signal is everything else OK? Now let me see if I'm following here. Isn't having a signal the whole point of having Dish Network?

Oh yeah I'm extremely happy with your service, thanks....

Well Lifers, I've rambled long enough.

J-Tony