Friday, August 8, 2014

Friday Funnies...

A young guy from Texas moves to California and goes to a big department store looking for a job. The manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?" The kid says, "Yeah, I was a salesman back home in Texas." The boss liked the kid so he gave him the job.

"You start tomorrow. Ill come down after we close and see how you did." His first day on the job was rough but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down.

"How many sales did you make today?"

Kid says, "One."

Boss says, "Just one? Our sales people average 20 or 30 sales a day.
How much was the sale for?"

Kid says "$201,237.64.

Boss says "201,237.64?? What the heck did you sell?"

Kid says, "First I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a medium fish hook. Then I sold him a larger fish hook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down at the coast, so I told him he was gonna need a boat; we went down to the boat department and I sold him that twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Mercedes would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him an Escalade."

The boss said, "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and truck?"

Kid says, "No, he came in here to buy a box of tampons for his wife and I said, your weekends shot, you might as well go fishing."

Enjoy your weekend Lifers....

Wednesday, August 6, 2014

Please Kill Me When I'm Dead...

Some time ago, while scrolling through my Facebook feed, I saw something unusual that caught my eye. It was a post from an old classmates daughter.

It took me a few minutes to connect the dots, but long story short, my old classmate had passed away. I was a bit shocked. Not because we were close. We'd grown up together but he moved away during our sophomore yeah of high school, and other than the occasional like or brief comment on FB, I hadn't had much interaction with him since then. Still it was hard to swallow. So naturally I did what anyone else would do, I scrolled through his and his families timeline to figure out what happened. 

The Rise of the Dead

I read somewhere that nearly 8,000 Facebook users die everyday, and that at this rate if things don't change their would be more dead profiles on FB than living profiles.

Yesterday, I saw a post from my classmates daughter again, this time it said something like I miss you Daddy. My heart hurt. I felt bad for her and his family. Then I noticed his profile is still active, and there were several other people who had written on his wall over the past year about missing him and his love for fishing and sports.

Unfriending the Dead

Obviously I don't do regular maintenance on my Facebook friends list, because I realized that I'm still friends with my old classmate even though he's been gone now for more than a year. It seems odd that I'm still friends but surely I can't unfriend him now can I?  I mean even if I wasn't much of a friend before I would certainly go to hell for unfriending a dead guy right? And besides, I still like him better than some of the people I went to school with that I have as friends and I don't delete them. So maybe I'll just leave well enough alone. 


I mean no disrespect to my classmate, his family or any one else who has a dead loved one with a Facebook profile. I understand maybe it helps with the grieving process. It's a good way for people to remember, communicate or cope. I get it. I just think it's a bit weird. But maybe it's better than going to a grave and talking to a loved one. I know that can be hard for some people to cope with as well. Thinking that their loved one is in the ground? I don't know. I've lost a few loved ones in my time, but none since the new age of social media. I guess to each his own. 

My dying wish

I'm still not sure what ever happened to my old classmate. I'd like to think that we're not old enough to die of such things as cancer, or heart failure, but as we all know when it's your time it's your time. I'm pretty sure though that it wasn't his decision to keep his Facebook profile active after he passed. It doesn't seem natural that someone would actually request this as a last wish, as a way to stay in touch. I'm sure it's something his daughters or wife have continued to maintain to help them get through. 

It seems strange to me that I'd have ask my DW or clowns to close out all my cyber space accounts when I pass, but I guess that's what it's come down to. So if you're reading this, please, for me, kill me when I'm dead.

Tuesday, August 5, 2014

You Think That's Hard....

Last week my son had to get his four front bottom teeth pulled. I felt so bad for him, but according to the DW he was a real trooper at the dentist.  

He's been recovering fine this week, but here's the thing. Everything and anything hard since then has been compared to getting four teeth pulled. Anytime somebody says something was hard his rebuttal is always. You think that's hard you should try getting your four front teeth pulled. Now that's hard. 

He's like that guy from You Can't Do That On Television that pops up out of nowhere and says I heard that. Except he always says. That's not as hard as having four teeth pulled.

photo credit

It doesn't matter if it's physical, or metaphorical. Anything hard, difficult, or straining is compared to having four teeth pulled.

This is horrible. 

You think that's horrible? You should try having four teeth pulled

This sucks. 

You think that sucks. You should try having your four front teeth pulled. 

I can't do this it's to hard. 

You thinks that's hard try having four teeth pulled. 

Looks like the DW and I better make sure our bedroom door is locked for awhile..... think that's hard .....