Monday, January 30, 2012

What's Trending Today???

So every morning after I get my coffee and sit down at my desk, I hop on my phone and see what's happening on Facebook and Twitter. Last week while doing so, I noticed that Thong Thursday was trending on twitter.

A few hours passed, and  I texted The 'Ol Lady, I'm not sure why I just called her that. I never rarely call her that, to her face. Anyhow, I texted the DW and informed her that Thong Thursday was trending on Twitter and asked if it was trending at the Palace? Bow chicka bow wow.

To which she quickly replied, um no, no it's not.


She proceeded to post our conversation about Thong Thursday on Facebook, and trying to be funny, possed the question, would I look better in cheetah, or zebra print? Of course I saw her post and we continued to texted back and forth about the matter for a little while. I know, productive day right?

Eventually our conversation led to this.....

Now that's funny......

No thanks, I think I'll stick to my briefs.


Sunday, January 29, 2012

Weekend Daddy Hero

So we all have our routines Monday thru Friday. Work or school, followed by homework, practices, baths, a little t.v and bed. It was was pretty much the same routine when I was a clown.

But the weekends are a different story.

As a father, I feel that I have an obligation to be a  daddy hero, come Saturday and Sunday. Now I'm pretty much a daddy hero everyday, but we all know that during the week things get hectic. Monday runs into Tuesday, who knows where Wednesday went, and before you know it, it's Thursday night and you're just hoping you can get through the end of the week without putting a coworker in the sleeper hold. But the weekend is different. That's when we dad's get to be hero's.

On Friday night, you tell the DW to get ready because we're going out. And I'm not talking dinner from a bag here people. This is one of those, take your hair out of a pony tail, put on clean clothes and let's actually be seen in public, kind of nights. Now granted, this is usually followed by a trip to Chilli's, but hey it's something.

The heroism doesn't stop there either.

Friday night is followed by Saturday morning where dad gets to display one of his greatest acts of heroism. The Saturday morning breakfast. Now sometimes this can be pushed back until Sunday morning, but there truly is no greater act from our hero than when he scales what has become the pop tart mountain his clowns have been stuck on Monday thru Friday and saves them with a batch of his famous waffles, or cinnamon french toast.

Throughout the weekend, throw in some extra purchased items at the store like candy, a book, or soda. A wrestling slash tickle match here and there, and allow your living room to be taken over by Barbie and Star Wars with no grown-up t.v until after 9 pm, and you've become a weekend daddy hero

I love being a daddy hero.


Friday, January 27, 2012

Take a little trip, Take a little trip, Take a little Trip with me.....

Any idea what this movie clip has to do with me???

No I wasn't asked to prove if a frog's ass is water tight or anything like that. But rather yesterday I was told that my company will be sending me to Japan for two weeks.

It's an awesome opportunity to visit a place that I, more than likely, would not visit on my own. I'll be going for a two week training, and I won't be by myself, but by the same token I'm a little nervous. After all, it is a foreign country and I'll be away from the DW and clowns for two weeks so that's gonna suck. I won't be going for a few more months, so I've got some time to prepare myself I guess.

So if anyone has any tips on foreign travel, or Japan, I'd love to hear from ya.


Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Why I won't delete January 24th 2012 from my memory......

So yesterday I had one of those days that I wish I could just erase. Wouldn't that be awesome? To just erase days that suck.

 So anyway, I came home and I was feeling down and sort of sorry for myself. Feeling like I've failed. Feeling like there has to be more. More I should, or could do for my family. Feeling like I'm wasting time, wasting my life, not making the right decisions. Not doing enough. Maybe just feeling sorry for myself. Whatever, it was. I decided to drown my sorrows in music. That's sort of my thang. I get the 'ol Pandora loaded up, pop in the ear buds, and get away, as much I can with three clowns running around. I clean house a bit, do dishes, and get some laundry done. A little later I grab the guitar and learn a new song, Collide by Howie Day. Cool little diddy by the way.

Later that night I get a post up on A Day in the Life, then head to all the other wonderful blogs out there that I folllow, still feeling down.

I read all my usual blogs and make some comments, just like normal. Then I see a post from the pastor at our previous church. Who just happens to have throat cancer. His post title, Hang On.

In his post Pastor Chris talks about his battle with cancer and his treatment. He preaches about hanging on to your hope, your commitments, your dreams, your priorities and your prayers in tough times.

As I'm reading his post, my eyes begin to tear up, and my immediate thought is, I'm suck a dick. OK maybe that's a little harsh. But I did feel like a jerk, and a little pissed at myself for feeling the way I had all day. There are so many other people out there, good people, great people, who are going through, or have gone through so much more than me. I'm so thankful for who I am, and what I have, or at least I should be.

So in the midst of my craptastic day, I learned, yet again, that there is always somebody out there that has a heavier load to tow than I. 

So glad I didn't delete January 24th 2012.


Tuesday, January 24, 2012

My run in with the mob....

Back before the DW and clowns, I  had a little run in with the Mob. Well OK it wasn’t exactly a run in, and I’m not sure I’d classify them as Mobsters, but it sounds way cooler when I say I had a run in with Mobsters. 

Back then me and a buddy worked at the same place, and we managed to convince our boss that we needed to go on a three day conference in upper Delaware. Naturally, because everybody wants to go to Delaware for three days right? Look, for us it was a conference out of state. It was flying, good food, hotel rooms, and drinking, with maybe a little work sprinkled in.

So off we go.

Our second day there is when we ran into THE MOB. We decide to eat dinner that night at Applebee’s. I know what you’re thinking. Seriously, THE MOB is hanging out at your neighborhood bar and grill? But this was fifteen years or so ago, Applebee’s was the ish. Not to mention, most gangsters hung out in Delaware back then, I'm sure of it. That was their thang.

Anyway, we belly up to the bar, get some food and drinks and begin our night. there were a couple of old dudes sitting about two stools down from me. They were already pretty drunk and were being loud  when we got there. From time to time my buddy and I would listen to their conversations. They would say things like Kapeesh, Beef, and that they lost their shirt. Immediately I thought....Gangsters. They wore rings on their pinkies, gold chains and smoked like freight trains....definitely gangsters...

At some point in the evening my buddy and I finished eating and eventually struck up a conversation with Baby Face Nelson, and Machine Gun Kelly. Apparently they were hitting Philly in the morning to do a little, bettin' on the poniess, if you know what I mean. Or as they said, Kapeesh?

We sat there drinking and eating for the remainder of the night. They bought us drinks and told stories of how they traveled the country gambling, drinking and shootin' pool. There was even a story of Minnesota Fats at one point. After all, every gangster knows Minnesota right? 

Now maybe they were just old dudes having fun with a couple of wide eyed kids who hadn't yet experienced the ways of the world. Or maybe, they really were Mobsters and actually worked for some famous boss named Gotti, Capone, or Vinny.

Yeah... I'm gonna go with Mobsters.


Tell me you ever have any run- ins with the Mob?

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Where Has that Hand Been????

Hey Lifers...

When I was young I had a very weak stomach. I'd loose my appetite if something gross happend while eating. Sometimes just the thought of something gross would make me gag. Of course this didn't mix well with an older brother.

So tonight I took the clowns ninjas to karate class and sat there watching as they honed their skillz. At one point the instructor calls out for the class to find a partner, a new partner, for some free sparring. Now my clowns usually stick to each other or to someone they've already met when told to find a partner so pairing up with someone new is not a strength for them. I watched the boy as he slowly wandered around the mat looking for a new partner. When a new kid walked up to him and asked to be his partner, my boy looked at him, shook his head, and said NO.

I was taken aback. The two boys stood face to face starring at each other for a few seconds. The instructor tells the class to shake your partners hand. The new kid extends his hand. My boy stands there. Again, shakes his head and says NO. I tried to get his attention to tell him to knock it off. I was soooo hoping no one else was paying attention to the two of them.

After the class was over and we were in the car I started in. I asked him what his deal was? Why didn't he what to be the new kid's partner?

His response:  Because he had snot coming out of his nose.

Well played Ninja, well played....


Monday, January 16, 2012

How to Kill the Mood......

Hey Lifers...

So tell me, have you ever been caught?

You know, caught by your clowns doin' IT. I'm not talkin' bout there's a knock on the door pull the covers up kind of caught. I'm talkin' bout covers on the floor, booty in the air, clown standing next to the bed kind of caught.

Well it happened to us a few weeks back. Talk about a mood killer. There I was doing my thang all Ron Jeremy like, and I look over and standing there next to the bed is our 5 year old. And here's the thing. I'm not sure how long he'd been there because he didn't say anything. First I was a little spooked cuz he looked like Macaully Culkin in The Good Son, standing there in the dim light. Then of course I tried to be all cool and play it off. Which is hard to do when your buck naked.

Turns out that he had a bad dream or something. After scrambling to get ourselves together, we got him back in bed and back to sleep.

The next morning, and a couple of days after, we hinted around to see what he remembered. Luckily he's not real sure. Or maybe he's just saving us all the embarrassment. Either way, that was a few weeks ago, and nobody has mentioned it since. One thing's for sure though, the door will be closed and locked from now on.

Guess we're not really helping this beautiful butt stage he's going through.


So tell me. You ever been caught?

Thursday, January 12, 2012

Celebs I'd like to Punch in the Throat

Hey Lifers...

I proudly give you my list of Celebs I'd like to throat punch.

10. Dolly Parton. I recently saw that Dolly's in a new movie with Queen Latifah. Come on Dolly, I think you've milked those things long enough. I think its time to saddle up those jugs and ride off into the sunset.Go be a grandma or something. You've worked them thing from 9 to 5. Your shifts over.

9. Kate Goslin and the Octomom Chick: This is sort of a two parter just because they're both idiots. I mean who really wants that many kids? I'd like to punch them both in the throat for cashing in on making their vagina's an amusement park.

8. Casey Anthony: Yeah I know she's not exactly a celebrity, but do I really need a reason to punch that thing in the throat?

7. Scott Disick: This is the DB from the Kardashians. Yes I admit, I watch Kourtney and Kim take New York, so shoot me. Anyway, if you watch this show then you know exactly what I'm talking about. I mean, is there a bigger jerk on t.v that's more throat punch worthy? I think not.

6. Lindsay Lohan: Come on, she's a grease fire. And recently I heard she was posing, or did pose for Playboy. What? This obviously is not the same Playboy that I know. This must be some sort of crack head, meth user edition that I've never heard of.

5. Jay-Z and Beyonce: This is another two for one throat punch: First of all, who names their kid a color? And if that wasn't bad enough they threw in the name of a plant. I also heard yesterday there was a big uproar because the hospital had to close off a section of the nursery for privacy reasons. Seriously? Seriously? Yeah you both need a good throat punchin'.

4. Edward what's his face from those Vampire movies. I know this is not his name, but I didn't want to waste my time looking it up. Besides, you know who I'm talking about. The really pale guy.  Anyway, its because of this no talent ass clown that my DW has fallen in love with Vampires. I'd like to punch him and his werewolf buddies in the throat.

3. Dr. Phil: What a con artist. How about I punch you in the throat Mr. Obvious.

2. Charlie Sheen: Last week this dude actually came out and annouounced that he's not crazy...anymore. Who are you trying to convince? I think if you have to come out and publicly announce that you're no longer crazy. Chances are your still a little....Coo, Coo, Coo.

1. The BCS: Yeah I know it's not exactly a Celeb, but whatev. The bowl season is to long, and by the time the Championship game rolls around nobody cares.  Come on BCS can you say Playoff....

So tell me, who would you like to punch in the throat?  

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Does God Love Tim Tebow More????

Hey Lifers...

So by now I'm sure everybody has heard all the hype surrounding Tim Tebow. I mean after all there hasn't been this much talk about a white Bronco since O.J. was riding in one.

If for some reason, which I can't imagine what, you haven't heard about this guy, then let me get you caught up.

Tim Tebow is the quarterback for the NFL's Denver Broncos, and he's white, now do you get the joke?
Anyway, so all the talking heads out there said this guy couldn't play at this level. Said he really wasn't that good. Said he'd never make it in the league, said he'd fail, yada, yada, yada.

Well he hasn't failed. In fact last weekend he did what most people thought was impossible. He beat the Pittsburgh Steelers in a playoff game. And he did it by doing what the media said he couldn't do. He threw the football. In fact when the game was over and the Broncos victorious, Tebow had thrown for 316 yards. His average pass completion was 31.6 yards.

Oh did I mention that this guy is a devout Christian? Get it? 316? OK so now the media is having a field day with this. I've heard how it must have been divine intervention and that this kid has some sort of direct path to the big guy himself. Or whatever they want to say. 

Earlier this week, in one of my super important conversations at work, the topic turned to Tebow. A co-worker of mine mentioned how he hoped the Broncos lost this weekend because he was sick of how Tebow was always talking about God and pushing his religion. Which I think comes from the media not the kid.  

Anyway, as for me. I hope the guy wins. I'm glad he's doing well, and I hope he continues. After all it just proves....Football is God's game.

So tell me all your thoughts on.....Tebow


Sunday, January 8, 2012

When Boredom Sets in...

Hey Lifers...

I was a little bored today, and since it was just me and a couple clowns, I decided we'd go get some ice cream.

After all it has been unusually warm here for January. It's ice cream weather right?


Tuesday, January 3, 2012

My Boy and Sir Mix-A-Lot

Hey Lifers...

So it's become apparent lately that my youngest clown is obsessed with butts. Now in the beginning of this phase, and hopefully that's all it is, however, the apple doesn't fall to far from the tree if you know what I mean, it started out innocently enough with him smacking the DW's booty every now and then. Ok, Ok so maybe that's my fault, so shoot me.

Butt lately he's become more vocal with his butt obsession. The other day he fell down and while clearly in pain holler'd my butt, my butt, my beautiful butt. Now at the time it was funny, BECAUSE HE'S FIVE PEOPLE, so we all laughed, which has only seemed to make matters worse. Now nearly everything out of young Mix-A-Lot's mouth is about a beautiful butt. My beautiful butt, your beautiful butt, her beautiful butt, it's beautiful butt.

Now maybe some of you are thinking, hey, I'll take the compliment. But hang on. He's now started throwing in...Your not so beautiful butt. You know like, Hey get your not so beautiful butt out of my seat, or move your not so beautiful butt. And just today, while literally staring at the dogs brown eye, he informs us that, the dog does not have a beautiful butt.

I'm just hoping this phase doesn't land me in the Principal's office trying to explain why my five year old told his pre-school teacher to move her beautiful butt. I'm sure that won't go over well.


Monday, January 2, 2012

My New Year's Resolutions....sort of

Hey Lifers...

So I hope everyone enjoyed their Holiday's. We here at the Palace did. We spent Christmas visiting family, and for the most part everything was pretty normal. We spent NYE with the clowns watching Harry Potter until midnight. The DW made up some munchies and after we let the clowns watch the ball drop, we called it a night. Nothing too special, but everyone was safe and together.

So as I'm getting caught up on my blog reading today, I know I'm a slacker, I see everybody is posting their New Year's Resolutions. I even saw a few blogs out there posting top ten resolutions they won't be keeping. Such a great idea. I mean, who really keeps their resolutions anyway right?

Now I'm not a big resolution guy, because after all, resolutions are just a way of looking in the mirror and saying I suck. And since I don't like admitting my shortcomings, I don't usually make them. However if I did make a few, here's what I'd resolve to do in the new year.

1. I would resolve to be healthier. I would get back into the gym and start running again.
2. I would resolve to not be so anal about the cleanliness of my house.
3. I would resolve to care about the maintenance of my lawn.
4. I would resolve to watch t.v less and read more.
5. I would resolve to tap into my creative side more. More music, more sketching, more writing.
6. I would resolve to spend more time learning a new language.
7. I would resolve to be more organized.
8. I would resolve to be better with our finances.

But let's face it. I'm nearly forty years old. I am who I am, and I enjoy double cheeseburgers and ice cream more than working out and running. I like having a clean, or somewhat clean house, and if that means yelling at some clowns to get it, then so be it. And come on. Who under the age of 65 really cares about how manicured their lawn is? Now I will agree that I'd like to read more, and I would if only sports didn't get in the way. I've got the NFL, MLB, and NBA networks to go along with my four ESPN channels. Yeah right, like I'm really giving  up watching t.v.

Now I'd love to tap into my creative side more. More sketching, more writing, more playing guitar, but who has time with all the sports on t.v? As for learning a new language, hablo Ingles perras. And everybody knows that being organized and sticking to a budget is for those type A personalities, which I clearly am not.

So it looks like my new year will start the same way my old year ended.....yeah... I suck.