Thursday, June 30, 2011

This is Gonna Suck

Hey Lifers...

Ok so normally my posts are pretty tame. Simple observations about me and or the family. Never political, and I try to stay away from the Hot topics that stir a lot of debate or make you pick a side. Usually that's because I don't care about politics, and opinions on the Hot topics are like....well you know the rest.

However today is a little differnt. Today I'm on my soap box, and I'm screaming from the rooftops. I'm letting the world know that I'm made as hell and I'm not gonna take it anymore. Ok I'm just kidding.

See this is me texting and driving. Well ok I'm not exactly texting and driving, because if that were true, then that would mean I used my other hand to snap the picture and was driving with my knees, and I never, usually don't, haven't done that in a day or so.

Anyway, my point here is that after today texting and driving in my state will become ilegal. That right people just like Donnie Baker says....IT'S A STATE LAW.

So what's next, they make wearing a seat belt a law, or tell me I can't smoke where I want, or make my clowns wear a uniform to school? This is an outrage people. For the record, I wear my seatbelt, don't smoke, and my clowns don't wear a uniform. I just thought it would be funny.  

Well at least I can still check Facebook, or Twitter while eating my burger and fries driving down the road.  They can't take that away from me....Can they?


So tell me Lifers did you know texting and driving becomes ilegal tomorrow? Do you care? Will it affect you?

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

You're The One That I Want

Hey Lifers...

Today I saw a picture and it reminded me of the movie Grease, more to the point it reminded me of Sandy. I'm sure you all remember the movie, and you fellas remember Sandy right?

So anyway, the movie came out in 1978 and I think I saw it a few years later at the drive-in. Ahh yes, the drive-in.

When I was little we had a drive-in about 20 minutes from our house. In the summer, my mom would pack a cooler full of drinks, and snacks, and we would load up the station wagon and head to the drive-in. Dad would drive from speaker to speaker trying to find one that works and us kids would play outside, sit on the roof of the car, or in lawn chairs until we fell asleep in the back seat. I remember seeing Grease, Star Wars, and later even Ferris Bueller's Day Off at that drive-in. It was always the best time.

OK so back to my point.

So like I said, I was thinking about the movie. Now for those of us who saw it know that there were basically two different Sandy's. Good Sandy, and Bad Sandy. For those of you who have never seen the movie, sorry I'm about to ruin it for ya here.

Long story short. In the beginning of the film Sandy is a transfer student from Australia. She is the Good Sandy. Good manners, proper, doesn't drink or smoke, does the right thing so to speak. She meets Danny a hooligan who is none of these things. By the end of the movie Sandy decides that to be with Danny she must change and be more like his crowd. Insert Bad Sandy here.

Now when I saw this movie I was still pretty little, maybe somewhere between 7 and 10. However, I knew a hot Sandy on the big screen when I saw one.

Which brings me to the point of my post. As a fella which Sandy did you prefer.

Good Sandy shown here.

Good Sandy pic credit
 Or Bad Sandy, shown here.

Bad Sandy pic credit
 And for you ladies, which Sandy where you. I won't ask which Sandy are you, because I'm sure we're all Good Sandy's now right?

Monday, June 27, 2011


Hey Lifers...

OK so have you heard of this new thing called Plankin? Well I've  been hearing more and more of it lately so decided to do a little research to see what it's all about. 

Basically to Plank is to lay down straight as, you got it, a board. You lay horizontally face down. Point your fingers and toes down towards your feet. Then I guess you have to name your Plank, and someone has to take a picture and post to Facebook or Twitter.

Sounds pretty stupid right? Well it is.

I guess the thing about it is to do it in unusual places. Places that would be dangerous, adventurous, or hard to pull off. Here are a few pictures I found of some people Plankin.
Check out this guy at the drive-thru.

How about this dude in the plane.

What would you think if you went to get some O.J and saw this dude?

Ok this one is my fav so far. And it did make me laugh out loud.


So tell me Lifers, have you heard of Plankin?

Saturday, June 25, 2011

The Perfect 10

Hey Lifers...

Hope everybody is having an awesome weekend. 

So the other day I was at a restaurant minding my own business, and I happened to overhear a couple of ladies talking. They were discussing their weight. You know about how they need to loose weight, or how much they still want to loose or whatever.

Now I get that we all have our insecurities, and we all have features about ourselves that we'd like to change especially as we get older. Throw some clowns in the mix, and things tend to go a little south. So I get where these two ladies were coming from.

But as I looked at these ladies, I saw two beautiful women. And I'm sure that if I asked other people around the restaurant they would have agreed with me. I saw two caring mothers who would do anything for their children. I saw two ladies who love and are loved. I saw two strong successful women.

pic credit
 I know there are magazines, movies, and dolls that portray the perfect girl, but come on.

 I read a survey on Yahoo the other day that asked men what they loved about their women. Not one of them said they loved her because she had the perfect body. They said the things that attracted them the most were things like her confidence, her style, her humor, her overall attitude, or her heart.

Anyway, I guess my point is don't get so hung up on the few extra pounds ladies. We love you for you. We think you're beautiful for so many reasons.

After all, have you seen us lately?


Leave me a comment Lifers

Friday, June 24, 2011

Would you like an apple pie with that???

Hey Lifers...

Ok lets get right into it because today's post is lengthy.

So today at lunch I decided to go through the drive-thu at McDonald's. I know, I know, there's my first mistake right?

Anyway, so I'm in the drive-thru, and there are a ton of cars lined up in front and behind me right. So I place my order. I'm in the outside lane so after ordering I make like Jeff Gordon and quickly cut off the guy on the inside, because that's how I roll when it comes to the 2 lane McDonald's drive-thru.

Now I get to the first window, and the little girl inside rings me up and takes my card. No issues here. Rolling along as normal.

Finally I get to the second window where the lady hands me my crack sweet tea, and then makes the mistake that will haunt her for the rest of her life. Ok that might be a little over the top. Anyway, she asks me if I would pull up and wait. Oh no she di-ent. I never really say that I just thought it might spice things up a bit.

So anyway, I sort of contemplate pulling up, then politely tell her No and that I'll just stay right here. She tries her best to convince me to pull up by explaining that it will only be for a few minutes.

I'm thinking, Look lady, I've got a full tank of gas, a radio, and a blackberry. I can rock out, post on facebook and sit in the a/c for as long at it takes. I'm not going anywhere.

Again I tell her I'll wait here.

She slams the window.

A few seconds later another lady emerges and pleads another case for why I should pull up.

Sir, I need you to pull up for a few minutes, she frantically suggests. As if the conversation I just had with the other lady never happened.

I'm ok. I'll just wait here, I say. Again, politely.

Sir, the problem is I have all these other people behind you with orders that I need to fill.

This is where I get a little pissy. So I explain to her. That's not my problem. I'm here. I'm the next car in line. Fill my order first. Take care of this customer then worry about the next one. 

Her rebuttal looking out the window behind me at the line of cars. Well I guess I'll just have to tell all these people that their food was held up because you wouldn't pull forward.

What? What is that? Is that some sort of guilt trip? Come on lady I've got 3 kids, I know guilt trips. Don't bring that weak stuff into my house. Trust me, your Jedi mind tricks will not work on me even in my weakened hunger state.

My response. I don't care what you tell em.

About that time someone races from the back with my sack of food.  I say thank you and pull away.

Of course I checked the bag for lugy's.

Here's the thing. It's not like I asked them to whip me up a grilled cheese and kool-aid, right? I ordered right off the menu board. My usual. Anyone who knows me knows that I don't deviate, so it's not like they had to make me something special. Not only that, but I've got a limited amount of time here. If I pull up it just helps you get people off your screen so you can tell your manager, or managers manager how fast you got people through the drive-thu. If I stay put you concentrate on only me and my order. In fact it gives you time to work on orders behind me even.

Now let's say the guy behind me only ordered a large coke right? So I get that they want to fill his order and get him out of the line. To that I say screw him; should have been here sooner. The point is I'm next in line.

And come on. What's with the guilt trip? Seriously lady? Why don't you tell all these cars behind me that McDonald's is incompetent and unprepared to deal with the lunch rush today. Tell them your summer help called in. Tell them you're practicing your best Seinfeld episode where you know how to take the orders, you just don't know how to fill the orders. Which is really the most important part of the order process. Again, I don't care what you tell em, just give me my food.

Yeah, so I'm pretty sure I can't go back to that McDonald's for awhile. Anybody know a place with good sweet tea?


So tell me Lifers, do you pull up? Would you pull up if asked?

Thursday, June 23, 2011

My First...

Hey Lifers...

The other day I heard a concert promotion on the radio and it made me think about my first concert. Well it wasn't exactly my first, but it was the first one I went to that wasn't chaperoned by a parent.

Now when I was around 13 or so I had the cassette tape, remember those, of Bon Jovi's Slippery When Wet. Yeah I was way cool.

 I knew every word for every song on that tape. I knew every guitar solo, drum solo, and intro. In fact there was no other 13 year old who made the ladies melt like I did when I rocked the air guitar to Never Say Goodbye. So when he was coming in concert to my town, I sooo wanted to go. I asked my mom, but she said no.I was to young or some crap like that.

Yeah I have no idea what that has to do with my first concert since I didn't go? I just wanted you all to feel my awesomeness on the air guitar I guess.

So anyway, right around the summer before my freshman year my brother and sister bought me a couple of tickets to see the Crue. That's right baby...Motley Crue. They were on tour for their Girls, Girls, Girls album, which I had and again knew every song to. Finally, this was it. I was going to my first concert. I got the green light from my parents as long as my older brother took me. He's five years older then me, so I just knew it was going to be awesome.

Now keep in mind I was maybe 14 or 15. I didn't know much, but what I did know was that hot chicks went to Crue concerts. And I'm not talking about the hot chicks that I knew in school. I'm talking about chicks that wore short shorts and fish net tops. The kind of chicks that are in Metal Bands videos, like the chick from Warrant's Cherry Pie.

So anyway, I don't or can't remember any of the hot chicks, but I do remember it was a way cool concert. My brother and I hung out. Not like as older brother, younger brother, but as  buddies. It was pretty cool. We cut up, smoked some squares,  made cat calls at the ladies and rocked out with the Crue.

So anyway, that was my first concert. Well again, I don't exactly count the one my parents took me to. Although Bob Seger and the Silver Bullet Band rocked back when I was like 10.


So tell me Lifers, what was your first concert.

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Getting Older

Hey Lifers..

So not only was this past weekend Father's Day, but my birthday was on Saturday. So I pretty much got the royal treatment all weekend thanks to the DW and clowns.

Now they say that your only as old as you feel right? Well for the most part I believe this. Most of the time I don't feel a day over 29, and the gray hair, well that's genetics right?

Well that was until recently.

You see my clowns are now on summer vacation. Which means for them doing as little as possible, except maybe swimming. This also means staying up late.

Now up to this point I've always been able to hang, so to speak, with the clowns and their version of late nights which consisted of staying up until 9 or 10.

 Yeah again, that was until now.

I'd like to believe that it's due to the fact that I get up at the crack of dawn, work hard all day long, come home and work in the fields until the sun goes down. I then come in and repair or clean something, until I call it a night, but that might be a stretch. After all I don't get up that early, and who am I kidding about the whole working hard thing. 

So I've come to the conclusion that you officially become old when you have to go to bed and your clowns are still watching Phineas and Ferb.


I remember I used to make fun of my dad for taking a nap in his chair before he went to bed. It looks like the apple hasn't fallen to far from the tree.

Tell me Lifers, how late do you stay up on weeknights?

Sunday, June 19, 2011

Happy Father's Day

Hey Lifers....

Happy Father's Day to all the dads out there. Most importantly Happy Father's Day to my dad.

Thank you dad for getting up every day at that crack of dawn and working 10 or 12 hours so that I could have new cleats, a full stomach, or the latest electronics, and never having to worry about where they came from. Thank you dad for being able to fix anything around our house, and passing that knowledge down to me. It's really been handy.

Thank you dad for teaching me how to be a good husband, father, and man, and thank you for answering the phone every time I've called.

Thank you dad for knocking me down when I needed it, and picking me up when someone else knocked me down. Thank you dad for pushing me, supporting me, and carrying me along the journey.

Thank you dad for being a great father. I hope you have a great Father's Day.


Saturday, June 18, 2011

Cousin Eddie????

Hey Lifers..

So the other day yours truly got to play the role of Cousin Eddie. Now I didn't exactly look like this guy, but my shitter was full.

You see, because we don't live in town we have a septic system for our poo. And every so often you have to have that thing emptied. Now they say that you should have your septic emptied every 3~5 year, but because we actually have two we've gone about seven years without having it done. And let me tell you. It was full.

And you know there really is something humbling about a big thousand gallon tanker pulling into your driveway that says Your Number 2 is our number 1.

OK so the truck that pulled into our driveway didn't exactly say that, but it did say something like Septic Services or something. I mean it's one thing to have all your neighbors think your full of shit, but it's another to have it proven.


Leave me a comment Lifers. You know I love it when you do.

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Some Thoughts

Hey Lifers...

Just a few random thoughts for today.

Why is it that you can get punched in the face and not be fazed, not me necessarily, but plucking a nose hair brings tears to your eyes?

Why is it that as soon as I get in the bathroom, some clown wants to talk to me?

I've found that when I work on cars I speak a different language...It's called Sailors Mouth. *#@%^&%

I've learned that asking the DW if she needs some Midol is never a good idea.

Yelling Dinners Ready every time the smoke alarm goes off does not please the cook.

My theory on cutting the grass is similar to a woman shaving her legs. It's only getting done if somebody's gonna see it.

That's about all I've got for now.


Leave me a comment Lifers

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Excuse Me

Hey Lifers...

So Mini-me is going through that growing up into a boy stage. You know he's five now, and it appears that this is where baby toddler boys become little boys.

About a week or so ago, he figured out how to make himself burp. Now I have no real issues with the random around the house buuurrrp that comes from his pie hole. But we do live with three ladies. And ladies don't think burping the alphabet is nearly as impressive as his ol' man does.

So anyway, the kid goes around all day making himself burp. Generally he does follow that with 'scuse me, so at least he's sort of remembering his manners?

Here's the thing. I think it's hard for him to understand when it's cool, and when it's not so cool. 

A week or so ago, I took him with me to the auto parts store. While standing at the counter, the clown burps. Buurrp, 'scuse me. I give him that, C'mon Man we're in public look, but don't chastise. By the time we're out of the store, I've forgotten all about it.

Last night after swimming, he comes inside, gets dry clothes on and buurrp, 'scuse me. At this point his mother goes all full name on him, you know when you use the first, middle, and last name to yell at em? Well in this case he has two middle names, so you know she was fed up.

Maybe it's just a case of him learning which parent will let him get away with what.

I mentioned he's morphing from toddler baby boy to little boy right? Well the other thing he's started doing is spitting. This one I don't get. I'm sure I did it to, but still I don't get why?

Oh sure there are some reasons as an adult why we may have to spit. But if this kid is outside he's a spittin'.

 I don't know, maybe it's one of those things that he does because he's figured out how.


Leave me a comment Lifers

Monday, June 13, 2011

One more year

Hey Lifers..

So today I wanted to wish my Mother In-Law a Happy Birthday. I know that may seem a little strange, I mean after all, aren't mother in-laws and son in-laws not supposed to get along?

Don't get me wrong, I'm sure there have been plenty of times she's thought to herself, boy if you were my kid I'd knock you into next week.

But she never does.

My MIL has always been a great blessing to me and my family. Sure she has her MIL moments, but for the most part she let's us kids do our thang.

Most importantly to me though, is that she's a great Grandma to my clowns. She's a great teacher to them, and they love being with her.

So Happy Birthday to you MIL, may you have many many more.


So tell me Lifers, do you get along with your MIL???

Friday, June 10, 2011

And the Winner Is...

Hey Lifers..

OK so last night was a pretty big day for us. You see a couple of weeks ago my oldest clown was nominated as a princess contestant in our town. Well actually is sort of the town over, but whatever. Every year the town has what is called a Red, White, and Blue Festival. They honor veterans of past/present, they have a parade, food, rides, the whole nine yards. Anyway, they also have a Red, White, and Blue Festival Princess.

Now in a nut shell, to become the Princess you have to get the most votes. To get votes you have to raise money, so every penny is worth one vote, got it? At the end of the couple weeks the money is tallied, and half goes to the festival, and half goes to a cancer research through the local Phi Beta Psi sorority.

So the DW and my oldest clown put collection cans around town with a picture of her on it asking for donations. The DW also spread the word on FB and family, friends, and maybe even strangers generously voted.

Long story short, the oldest clown won. Here's her picture as she's being crown the Red, White, and Blue Princess. She ended up collecting over $660.00.

pic credit here
 We're so proud of her.


Leave me a comment Lifers.

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Now I Don't Feel So Bad

Hey Lifers

So the other day I'm getting the clowns some ice cream or something, and I was pretty sure the night before I had run the dishwasher. Well, the oldest started whining said something about no clean spoons and I told her to get one out of the dishwasher.

Soon after I told the middle clown to get a spoon out of the dishwasher as well. She did and didn't say anything about it.

Later that night I went to get something out of it myself and realized I in fact had not run it. Nice. Yeah that's right, I let practically forced my clowns to eat off of dirty silverware. I know, Father of the Year right?

Now I didn't tell the clowns about it, but I did feel pretty bad, this is until tonight, when I caught them drinking the pool water out of squirt guns........


Leave me a comment Lifers

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Love that Show

Hey Lifers.

Ok so I'm sitting here reading through some of my favorite blogs and the t.v is on. I'm not sure why really, I'll blame the clowns. Now I don't watch much t.v, unless it's a ball game of some sort, but Seinfeld came on. Can't help it. Gotta watch. I know, I know. I have every episode on DVD, but still. It's just too funny.
Just a few clips of some of the good ones.


So tell me Lifers, what show do you just have to watch?

Monday, June 6, 2011

Just Go With It...

Hey Lifers. Happy Monday.

Yeah I know, those two words don't exactly go together do they?

So this past week as I mentioned, I was out in LA. On the flight out, the airline was showing a movie called, Just Go With It.

Here's the trailer.

Surprisingly, I enjoyed it. Now maybe it was because I was sitting next to some old lady who smelled like pickled beats, and I didn't want a have to stare at her for 3 plus hours. Or maybe it was because,  I wouldn't have to listen to the chick behind me who was yelling because she had her IPod in her ears. Either way it wasn't to bad.

It's somewhat a typical Adam Sandler movie. He funny, not to raunchy, and appears to have good chemistry with co-star Jennifer Aniston. Basically the movie is about him creating a fake family with Aniston and her children to get a girl. Hey, look at me, I'm a regular Roger Ebert.

Anyway, for a free flight movie, it was well worth it.


Thursday, June 2, 2011

Go West Young Man

Hey Lifers. 

I'm coming to you live from sunny Los Angeles California. That's right. LA Baby. I'm currently on a business trip. You'd know this if you followed me on Facebook or Twitter. Which you should by the way.

So anyway, I'm in LA. Enjoying the weather, the beach, great food, and seeing movie stars left and right.

 OK seriously. While it is sunny, it's only about 70 degrees and windy here. The only sand I've seen was in between the freeways this morning. I've eaten Burger King and Taco Bell, and I've yet to see anyone famous. Although I did see an old fat guy that looked like Tommy LaSorda, and a few George Lopez, and Jackie Chan's.

Anyway, I'm not a big fan of the business travel. Usually, as in this case, it's a pretty quick turnaround from the time I leave till the time I return. For some reason my company doesn't like to fit the bill for a vacation. So typically I get where ever I'm going on day one. Work day two, and return day three. Not a lot of free time. And when you travel out west it's even worse. Being three hours behind home, I was ready for bed by 7 last night.

So this morning my mom sends me a text and says, I heard you're out in Cali. She's so gangsta.

Yes, I am


LA...Right now Anaheim.

Have fun. Go to Disneyland, stay away from Hollywood.

I'm surprised she didn't tell me to stay away from places that have graffiti.

Gotta Love Moms.


Leave me a comment Lifers.