Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Let the Fun Begin

Hey Lifers. So we had a great and busy Memorial Day weekend, hope you all did as well.

Unfortunately today it was back to the grind, and if you're anything like me you hated actually having to wear shoes today.


So this past weekend we got the pool ready, and the clowns, despite the freezing water we're up doing cannonballs by 10:30 yesterday morning. Now my clowns could live in the pool if we'd let em. Which is not exactly a bad thing. It cuts down on wasting water for baths. It keeps them entertained, and surprising enough they don't argue to much when they're in there. Win win for the DW and I.

OK so speaking of the clowns and the pool, so far the best pool quote of the summer has been turned in by Mini-me. He gets out of the pool and comes up the deck to the back door. The DW asks him what he's doing. His reply. Well I had to go to the bathroom, but now I don't.

I'm not sure if he peed on his way up, or decided he would just pee when he got back in. Either way, I'm not going in there for awhile.


Leave me a comment Lifers. You know I like to hear what you think.

Saturday, May 28, 2011

The Bachelor

Hey Lifers. No this is not a post giving you updates or my thoughts about that ridiculous show with a dude, a rose, and a bunch of money hungry chicks. I'm not even sure if that shows still on t.v, but if you need an update on it, then you've obviously come to the wrong place.

No today's post is about me being a bachelor last night.

The DW is working this weekend, which consists of her being gone most all night last night, and then all day today. So she dropped the clowns off at the in-laws yesterday while I was at work. Now for some strange reason, my clowns would rather be at grandma's house then their own. I'm not sure if it's because grandma lets them watch t.v whenever they want and doesn't yell at them. Or eat whatever they want, and doesn't yell at 'em, Or yell at 'em to clean up their room. Or maybe it's because she doesn't duck tape them to the radiator like here at home....I'm just kidding people...we don't have a radiator.

Whatever the reason, they enjoy staying with their grandparents, and I'm glad they do.

So anyway, I got off yesterday, and the DW was already doing her thing, and the clowns were at grandma's, so it was just me at The Palace.

I bought a pizza on the way home and had dinner in front of the t.v. Now after dinner I could have taken this time to do a lot of things. My yard needs mowed, there's a mountain of laundry that needs attention. The clowns rooms are a mess, and I hadn't posted anything for a day or so. Instead  I did what every dorky bachelor does on the Friday night of a long holiday weekend.

I settled in to my chair, cranked up the Pandora, got on line and played video games. This one to be exact.

 Yeah I know, I'm a dork.


Leave me a comment Lifers

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

In the Dog House?

Hey Lifers.

So as it turns out, the dog house is just what I needed. Let me explain.

I'm at work today doing what I do. Not having a bad day necessarily, just a busy one. I've got some items I've got to get finished, and I knew I needed to stay late. So, me being the good hubs that I am, I send the DW a text to let her know. No big deal right?

Well except for one tiny little thing...

 We live in tornado alley.

And we don't have a basement.

So I'm staying late at work, and wouldn't you know it, they are predicting a storm to come through right about the time I'd be leaving. So the DW calls and says her and the clowns are going to her moms to hunker down in her basement until the storm passes. Ok I said, I'm going to stay here for a bit.

Now before I leave it gets to the point where they sound the sirens and force us to go to our shelters. Still no big deal. I feel pretty safe at work in our shelters, and they were a few towns over at her moms down in the basement. Everything seems fine to me.

After half and hour or so, they give us the all clear. The sky opens up, and it's clear as can be. I check the weather, call the DW and tell her I'm heading home.

I want you to come out here.

No. It's all clear. I'm not coming out there, I tell her.

Yes, you need to come out here. There's another storm coming.

Well, I'll check the news when I get home, and if it looks to bad I'll come out.

Ok see you when you get here.

I"m not coming out there.

See you when you get here.

We'll see. I'll let you know.

Ok bye. See you when you get here.

Ok so at this point I should tell you that about an hour or so before I left work I get this e-mail from my boss that rips right through me. For the next hour or so, I can't stop thinking about it. What's this crap? Should I respond? Maybe I should sleep on it? Maybe I'll respond tomorrow? You know, it was one of those e-mails.

So I drive to the house. Still upset about the e-mail, all I want to do is be alone. Try to calm down and focus on something else.

I get home and check the local news. Everything's clear until late tonight.

I text the DW and tell her, weather dude says all clear. Not coming out there... No response.

Twenty minutes later, I text her again. Again, no response.

Ten minutes later I call. Naturally I'm getting a little worried, because there's no dinner. Our conversation is short, and it occurs to me that I might be.... In the Dog House.

I hang up the phone, and realize this is exactly what I needed. To be by myself. So I turned on a little satellite radio, crank it up, and clean house. Now don't get me wrong, I didn't get all scrubbin' toilets clean, but I picked up, started some laundry, and did the dishes. It helped. An hour later, the DW and clowns came home.

And now, business as usual.


Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Another One???

Hey Lifers.

So I'm a little behind tonight. Usually by now I've already got some awesome  post written and am just putting the finishing touches on it. But tonight we had graduation. Yes that's right, one of my clowns graduated tonight.....from Kindergarten.

Let me just say, and I'm sure you're all going to think I'm a heartless jerk, but I find kindergarten graduations pointless. I mean for crying out loud, we just did a pre-school graduation last year. Come on. The kid's gonna think she deserves a big ceremony every year now. I've now sat through four graduation ceremonies for two clowns, and neither of them are above the third grade. Doesn't it seem like overkill?

But even though I think they're pointless, she was cute, and it does make me proud, and a little sad.

So anyway, that's where we were tonight, and that's why I'm a little late with my blog routine
You see like I said, usually I've already scratched something out and am making my rounds to my fellow bloggers leaving clever comments for them all. So I'm off to get my fix.

So nothing cleaver, thought provoking, or really interesting for tonight's post, but as the DW says...whatev.


So tell me Lifers. Kindergarten graduation...Pointless, or a Must?

Saturday, May 21, 2011

His First

Hey Lifer
Ok so today I bit the bullet and did something that I really, really don't enjoy doing.

When I was a boy one of my worse memories with my father was fishin'. I hated it. I hated everything about it. I hated the heat, the sun, the worms. Everything. It seemed I never caught anything except maybe a sunburn. Oh I always managed to catch some tree bass, or hook the old man every once in awhile, but never anything that I could be proud of.

One year, on a family vacation, my dad decided he wanted to do some trout fishin'. Sorry, around these here parts you have to say fishin'. So apparently the only time trout like to eat is at five o'clock in the morning. What? So let me see if I get this straight. I have to get up earlier on my vacation then I do when I go to school? I didn't want to go, but I did. I guess I didn't know how to tell my dad that I didn't want to get up at the butt crack of dawn and do something I hated. So I went. And no we didn't catch anything. I think we went every morning that week.

Now it only seems natural that I would marry a woman who not only likes fishin', but is good at it too. In fact, her entire family are, fisher..men...people. Whatever. They all fish, like it, and they're good at it.

So back in March, for his birthday, my FIL got Mini-me a fishin' pole and told him that his daddy would have to take him fishin'. And of course for the last two months, mini-me has been asking when?

Today was that day.

He's first fish
And it was pretty fun. Now don't get me wrong. He hooked me, he caught some tree bass, and I had to bait his hook like a million times. But we had fun.


Tell me Lifers. Do you like to fish?

Thursday, May 19, 2011

My New Shirt

Hey Lifers.

So yesterday was a rough day at the Shawshank. Afterwards, I was tired and felt like I'd been beaten for the past 10 hours. The only thing I wanted to do was head to the Palace, kick back and relax. And when I got there I didn't want to deal with clowns, laundry, dishes or anything.

So the DW and clowns met me at work and as soon as my middle clown got out of the van this is what she showed me.

Ok so this is me, or at least the way she sees me. Personally I think I've got much bigger guns then what she gave me, but she's 6.

Now Miss O draws pictures of us all the time, so this really was nothing new. And most of the time it's just a simple family portrait. However this one was special. Check out my shirt. In case you can't read it, it says I "heart" My Kids.

Just for the record, I don't have a shirt that says this, and I didn't make her write it. That's just the way she sees me.

I must be doing something right.


Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Honked Off

Hey Lifers.

So I'm not a big road rage guy and I've learned, as time goes by, that some things are just not worth getting upset about. However, there are times when my ugly side comes out when I'm behind the wheel.

Now picture this. Let's say you're cruising down the highway and some DB decides to ride your bumper. So you kindly get over to let them pass, only to have them actually slow down after they pass you. Or how about the jerk who gets over in front of you, barely does the speed limit, and makes you reset your cruise control. Hey don't judge, young cool dudes use cruise control too.

Or what about when you're driving through town and custom license plate guy, you know the one, GR8DAD, or 8A4RE, or my personal fav, OU812 decides to pull out in front of you. Now I've gotta stop texting and pay attention so I don't misspell some word to the DW and end up with some  auto correct like these guys. I'm just kidding.... I don't care if I misspell a word while I'm texting her.

Ok so I would be justified if and when any of these happen during my drive home and I should happen to lay on my horn in an effort to let DB, Jerk, or Custom Plate Guy know that I am displeased with his actions right?

There's just one teensy tiny problem.....

sure looks like it should work doesn't it?
My horn doesn't work. Do you know how frustrating life can be when you have no horn. You can't tell people to stop picking their nose and go because the lights green. You can't tell them there's a yield sign there you idiot, and you can't express to them how it makes you feel when they don't use the turn signal jackass.

Maybe I should rephrase.You see, I do have a horn, if I put the fuse back in. The problem is it goes off randomly. Just picture being in the Taco Bell drive thru ordering your favorite chicken soft taco, or beef mexi-melt, and your horn goes off. And you can't stop it. Classy, I know. So rather than take the car in to have it looked at, I opted for the ghetto, cheaper fix.

So if you happen to cut me off, make me reset my cruise, or force me to misspell a word while I'm driving, rest assured that all though my horn hasn't sounded, I am honked off.


Leave me a comment Lifers.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Good Job...Way to...Try??

Hey Lifers.

So the other day I noticed this little gem the oldest clown was carrying around. When I asked her what it was, this is what she showed me...


This....is a participation ribbon from her field day at school. Now as soon as she told me what it was my mind started racing......WHAT? PARTICIPATION? WHAT'S THAT? WHAT KIND OF CRAP IS THIS? WHY DIDN'T YOU WIN? CAN'T YOU RUN FASTER, JUMP HIGHER, OR AT LEAST CHEAT BETTER THEN THE OTHER KIDS? OBVIOUSLY I'VE TAUGHT YOU NOTHING.

 So I calmly asked her about the day.

Now we all remember field day at school right? Sack and relay races, high and long jumps, things like that right?

So like I said, I asked her how the day was and she said it was fun, except for the running parts?


So she explained a few of the races to me and she seemed to have fun, so I guess that's all that matters.


Leave me a comment Lifers.

Monday, May 16, 2011


Hey Lifers.

Ok so if you have clowns then you know how true this is. Tonight we've had one of these type of evenings. This cracks me up everytime I watch it. Enjoy.

It's not nearly as funny when it's your own.


Leave me a comment Lifers

Friday, May 13, 2011

Taco Night

Hey Lifers.

So the other night was Taco Night at the Palace. For me and the DW taco night is a love hate relationship.

You see from the moment I found out that the DW was pregnant with our third child, Mini-me, I knew we were in trouble. Because I'm a sports guy, I like to think of it in sports terms. The DW and I have three clowns, and there are only two of us. Which means, insert sports reference here, for the rest of our lives, we will have to play zone defense.

See, when we had one and even two clowns we could double team, or play straight up man-to-man. You know, each of us was responsible for a clown at certain times, sort of a, you take this one and I'll take that one. But now we're outnumbered.

So back to Taco Night. We love Taco Night. We love Mexican food in general, but Taco Night can be one of the most frustrating nights known to parents who play the zone. You see normally we just put dinner on their plate, but what fun would Taco Night be if they couldn't make their own taco right? I mean isn't that half the thrill? Problem is, they can't. Sure they try, but the taco crumbles apart and someone cries, or the meat shoots out the back and someone whines, or they fill it too full and can't close the burrito. So it's DW and I to the rescue. And because they're clowns they don't understand the concept of just a minute, or let me get this done and I'll help you. Noooo, everybody has to have something right now. I swear it's like trying to herd cats. You got one standing in a chair, one crying because the taco fell apart, and one's out of her chair altogether dancing or whatever she was doing. And it never fails that right about the time the DW and I get everything settled down and start to enjoy our own Tacos one of 'em wants something else to drink?

So you see I love Taco Night, but when you play a zone it can be rough.


Tell me Lifers, is dinner crazy at your house?

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

By Request

Hey Lifers.

OK so if you don't know already, A Day in the Life, is on Facebook. You can go here now and become a fan of my DIL facebook page.

So I'd been thinking that I should post my status more often on Facebook. You know like updates to posts, what's going on with me, whatever. Just something to keep followers connected right? So last week I did. Again, simple things. Updates like, have a good day, It's quitting time, have a good weekend. Things like that.

So the other day I posted on the facebook page how the kittens were no longer living at the Palace. Later that day I received a message from a follower exclaiming they couldn't get on my blog. In a panic I quickly checked for myself. I logged on from the Blackberry. No problem. OK, let's check on the laptop just for giggles. No problem there either. So just to be on the safe side, one last check, I ask the DW to log on as well. She does and no issues.

I replied somewhat puzzled that I hadn't had any issues, and maybe it was something they were doing? I didn't hear anything else from this follower so I assumed all was well.

Later that night I received another message on FB from this follower that they couldn't get my last few posts. So I quickly copied the links and forwarded them on. After all, I can't have a follower out there that can't get their fix right? So anyway, here is the conversation I had with my beloved follower via FB.

Follower... I can't get your latest post.
Me...I'll send you the link.
Follower... This is really pissing me off.
Me... Hang on....OK just sent you links to the last few.
Follower... I keep clicking on it, but nothing happens?
Me... Which one?
Follower... The one about the kittens at the Palace.
Me... Oh. I didn't post about the kittens at the Palace?
Follower... I click on it but it doesn't go to the post. Yeah the one where they don't live at the Palace?
Me... That's because there's no link.
Follower... Well link me up.. or whatever.
Me... There's no post. I didn't post anything about the kittens. It's a status update on Facebook.
Follower... Well then write about the kittens damnit. I want to read about 'em.

So, here you go follower, this is for you.

The four kittens that we left for dead in my garage by their HB momma are no longer living at the Palace. My dear MIL has taken them, and is raising them as her own. I'm happy to report that all of them, Spot, Blackbeard, Callie, and Oreo, are doing well.


Leave me a comment Lifers, apparently I take request.

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Happy Mother's Day

Hey Lifers.    

So in honor of Mother's Day I'd just like to say a big Thank You and Happy Mother's Day to my mom.

Thank you Mom for being a fun parent and showing me things like plastic bubbles and living room forts. Thanks for organizing family get togethers that brought me and my cousins closer, and built memories I'll never forget. Thanks for cooking dinner every night and gathering our family around the table. Thanks for taking me to basketball, baseball, track, and wrestling practice, games, and meets throughout the years.

Thanks for standing behind, standing with, and standing up for me. Thanks for helping, encourging, and teaching me throughout the years.

Thanks for being Mom.


Happy Mother's Day to all the mom's out there.Thanks for all your sacrafice and hard work.

Saturday, May 7, 2011

Saturday Humor

Hey Lifers.

Hope everybody is having a great weekend. Here's a little humor for your Saturday. I was gonna post this yesterday after work because it was one of those days, but I got busy. Anyway, thought this was sort of funny.


Thursday, May 5, 2011

If it Smells Good, Eat It.

Hey Lifers.

So the DW and I stumbled on this show, Bizarre Foods with Andrew Zimmern, a few year or so ago. I have seen this guy eat all kinds of stuff. If you have the Travel Channel I highly recommend watching his show if you can stomach it. I'll warn you though, it's not always easy. Here's just a little clip of one of his shows.

Yeah, this one, not my fav. I hate spiders.


Leave me a comment Lifers.

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

How to Be a Villain

Hey Lifers. 

So I mentioned yesterday how when I came home from work the little rats kittens now had names. Oreo, Blackbeard, Callie, and Spot. Nice.

So as I pull up the drive-way I see a cat hanging around the house. No doubt it's the HB momma cat. I mention this to DW and she suggest we put the newly acquired foursome outside in hopes that maybe momma will come back to check them out. The kittens are currently in a pet taxi so they can't roam around, but the thought was, maybe momma will come to them if left alone.

Not a bad plan I think, so I give it a shot. I take the taxi and place it in our front yard and walk away. I tell the clowns to keep an eye on it and let me know if momma comes around. Looking back I'm not sure why really. I mean what was I going to do if she did come around? It's not like I was going to go bustin' out the door screaming in my best getto voice, You dirty HB cat you left your babies in my garage and now I have to feed and take care of 'em. They's ain't even mine. Sounds like a Springer episode to me.

Nevertheless, that's what we did. So the clowns all gathered around the large living room window watching this pet taxi like they're waiting on a parade to go by. But, no momma cat. So one of them says something like, So what are we going to do if the momma cat doesn't come to get them. And I say something snarky like, throw 'em outside for all I care.

And that's when I went from super-awesome, fun dad, to evil  heartless, good-for-nothing villain.

Apparently telling three clowns that have fallen in love with baby kittens that you could care less what happens to them will bring tears.....Who knew?


Leave me a comment Lifers.

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Lost and Found

Yo Lifers, so looking back I should have known this would not end good.

So this past Friday morning the DW tells me that she heard what she thought was a cat in our garage. Now we sort of live out the country, so we've had stray cats wander in there before, and with all the rain we've had lately it didn't surprise me much. So I told her that I'd check it out when I got home.

Well, as soon as I got home from work we hit the ground running, and didn't get home until late. So Saturday morning, on her way out, the DW tells me she'll be home around 1, and asks if I'll check in the garage for that cat.

Later that afternoon I get to the garage and beginning looking. Of course I find nothing. Upon her arrival she explains to me that I'm doing it wrong looking on the wrong side.

Ok fast forward to last night as Mini me and I were heading out to pick up some chow we heard a faint meow. After moving some crap around this is what we found.

Yeah that's right, kittens. No I did not say a cat, I said kittens. Apparently some ho-bag momma cat decided to drop her young in my garage. And not just one, no she went and plopped out 4. Yeah 4 kittens that barely have their eyes open.

Now it's no secret that I'm not a smart man. I admit it. I do dumb things. Don' believe me? Click here or here, heck even here should be enough to prove that I don't make the best decisions. So what I should have done at this point was place these little rats in a box and dumped them in the first creek I came to quickly taken them to a pet store or animal shelter. But Noooooooooo. Like a dummy, I let my clowns see them.

And anybody who has clowns knows this is not a good idea. Immediately Miss O claims to have a favorite.
No, no you don't. I say. You don't have a favorite. Don't even look at 'em. Don't touch 'em. Don't like 'em. Don't love 'em. We are not keeping them. No. No. No. No.

Today I came home from work and they have names.....


Leave me a comment Lifers.

Monday, May 2, 2011

Today in History

Hey Lifers. So I took a little time off this past weekend from posting, sorry to disappoint.. The DW and I spent some quality time together all weekend. We were without clowns...thank you in-laws.

So yesterday was a pretty historic day in this country as I'm sure everybody knows. Now there aren't to many events in my life that I can remember exactly where I was when it happened. You know like some people remember where they were when Kennedy was shot, or when Elvis died.

September 11, 2001 however is different.

I was at home. I'd called in to work that day, and was snug-as-a-bug-in-a-rug when my DW called me and told me to wake up because we were being attacked. Of course I watched every waking minute of the t.v coverage after that.

So last night was again one of those moments when people will say, do you remember where you were when....

Well for me it will be simple. I was again, in bed. And again the DW woke me.


So tell me Lifers, did you hear the news last night, or today?