My Uncool Moment...

Hey Lifers...

Ok so through the years I've been know to be a little scatter brained. You know simple stuff like driving the wrong way down a one way street, getting lost in a strange town, forgetting where my keys are. Nothing major, but things that definitely make the DW question my senility.

So this past weekend the DW and I went out to dinner. We went to a new place, had a great dinner and an overall great evening.

Now before I go any further let me give you a little back story.

My DW has discovered this Sims like game about cooking on her phone. Every down second she has of every day she plays this stupid game. I have no idea what it is, I just know she's addicted to it.

Ok so moving on....

So we go to this restaurant and we put our names in at the hostess station. I head to the bathroom while she has a seat and begins playing that stupid game on her phone.

I make my way to the bathroom. I walk in and head toward the back. There's someone in the first stall so I opt for the second. And no I wasn't doing the 2.

I start going pee. I know great visual right? Anyway, while I'm standing there, I hear voices. At first they sound like maybe they're out in the lobby. Ladies voices. Then they appear to be louder. Then suddenly it dawns on me. I look around...then I see something that looks like this...

OMG. OMG.OMG.....I'M IN THE LADIES RESTROOM....OMG. OMG. OMG. So I finish my business. What, I had to go.

My mind races. What in the world am I gonna do? OMG. I know. I'll text the wife and have her come in here and make sure the coast is clear before I walk out. This is my text:  Omg help I'm in the women's bathroom.

So I climb on top of the toilet and wait for her. She doesn't answer for what seems like forever. I'm starting to panic. What do I do? I'm stuck in the women's bathroom. There's no way we're eating here if someone catches me in here. Where is she? Why hasn't she come in here?

All the while women are coming and going. Washing hands, going potty, doing whatever women do in here. OMG where is she.

So at this point it's pretty obvious that my DW is either putting me through the best punishment imaginable, or she's playing that stupid game and not checking her text. I've got one shot. I've gotta just do it like removing a band-aid. Just open the door and go as fast as I can.

I make sure I don't hear anybody washing hands and make a break for it.

I manage to get out without anybody, that I know of, seeing me. I walk out and notice, sure enough the DW has her head buried in her phone playing her game.

I tell her to check her text, and explain to her what happened. Her response....you dork.

J-Tony

Leave me a comment Lifers.....

The Argument...

Hey Lifers...

Ok so last night the DW and I were fortunate enough to be clown free around dinner time. So naturaly we decided to go out and get a decent meal. You know, a meal that is served on a plate, has a leafy dish before the main course. That kind.

So anyway, we have a nice long meal and afterwards end up at ol' faifthful. That's right. Anyone who's been following A Day in the Life long enough knows that Target is the last leg of our clown free evening. We always end up at Target.

While I usually don't mind, because I'm an awesome husband like that, last night was different.
I was up pretty late the night before and only got about five hours sleep. So after dinner, I myself was more than content with heading back home and plopping my tired butt in front of the t.v, until bed.

But Noooooooo. She wanted to go to Target.

Now here's the thing. It might have been different if she wanted to go to Target because we needed a few things, and she knew exactly what she was after. But Noooooo.

You see we are getting our family pictures done next week, and we had to get new outfits...Two things wrong with this.

1. My wife is a professional photographer. People pay her to take their pictures. She is very, very good at what she does. I'm not sure why we are going to someone else to have ours done? Isn't that like a plumber calling Roto-Rooter when his sink backs up?

And  second.

WE HAD TO FIND NEW OUTFITS.

Which means she had no clue as to what we were getting once we were in there. She wanted to look. Ladies do you have any idea how painful this is for us? I mean really? Walking around behind your wife in the ladies section while she touches every garment of clothing only to decide that she doesn't like it. And if by some chance she does find THE ONE, she has to try it on.

So this is where I gracefully bow out and opt for the electronics. Which for us fellas is the only place we can escape. It's sort of like the garage of department stores. So there I am aimlessly wandering through the electronics of Target. But Target's electronics is more like a shed than a garage, and after going up and down the aisles twice I'm done.

Meanwhile my date has decided to kick this party up a notch and has taken 5 articles of clothing into the dressing room when the company policy clearly states only 3 items allowed. Woo Hoo...Again, only to decide that none of them look right.

Upon her return from the changing room I tell her let's go. Let's get outta here. I don't want to wander Target anymore. I think Brundon the Target night watchman has already been called to follow the suspicious middle aged white male in the navy hoodie who is clearly casing the joint.

Which leads to The Argument.

Ahh yes. All couples have this argument, and I'd say married couples with clowns have this arguemt more than anyone else. The arguement of what do you want to do?

So we get to the car and she explains that we were in town, and Target is right here, and we new outfits. Why can't she look? Because I don't want to?

So what do you want to do?

Now at this point I was too affraid to tell her that what I wanted to do was go home put my comfy pants on, maybe grab a beer and watch the World Series. But instead I say I don't know, but I know exactly what I don't want to do.

We continue The Argument inside the car. Why is it that we always have to go where you wanna go, I whine. Because you never wanna go anywhere.

Whatever...So now what do you want to do, I ask. Well T.J. Max is right there, I wanna go over there....Whoo effin Hoo. You can stay in the car, you don't even have to go in, she tells me. Even better. Sitting outside waiting on my date as she finishes up our evening. What could be better. Half an hour later she sends me two texts that she's in the check out. I then proceed to send her one hundred an two reply texts that say ok. Yep, thats right. One hundy and two.

 After yelling at me on the way home she's all like..Why did you send me all those texts...and I'm all like...because you sent me two that said you were on your way. And she was all like....yeah I sent you two, you sent me like a hundred. To which I was like...yeah I sent you a hundred and two. And she was all like why did you send me that many. And I was all like...because I'm a hundred times better than you...bwahahahaha.

Yeah so most of this post was written while following the DW....at Target

J-Tony

THEY'RE BACK....

Hey Lifers...

So I had a few things I was going to  post tonight, but then while I was screwing off, I mean working today, I came across an article that said Beavis and Butt-head were back on the air.

That's right Lifers, the boys who brought you the controversial Fire, Fire, Fire, and Frog Baseball will air all new episodes tonight on MTV.

Incase you don't know. Beavis and Butt-head are two 15 year old boys who are, unfortunately, like a lot of 15 year old boys. They make fun of everything and everybody, they are gross, and they are always trying to get chicks. Now the original episodes found the boys sitting on a couch making fun of music videos on MTV. Remember when they used to actually have videos on MTV? Yeah me too. So anyway, in the new episodes the boys will make fun of current MTV shows such as Jersey Shore, and 16 and Pregnant. You had me at making fun of Jersey Shore.

OK so I know B&B are childish. I know their morons, and I know that I will only become dumber for watching them. Or is it more dumber? Or maybe it's more stupider? Or maybe I'll get more dumber and more stupider for watching them?

Either way, I'm watchin'.

So tell me, did you watch the original episodes? Have you ever watched them? And will you watch the new episodes?

Huh Huh...Huh Huh..That's cool.


J-Tony