Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Christmas Programs....suck

Hey Lifers...

So as if I didn't already have enough of the bah humbugs, tonight we had one of those elementary school Christmas programs. You know the one where your clown stands up there and sings some stupid Christmas songs while you search for a sharp object to ram through your eye just to get away from the old lady sitting next to you that smells of cheap perfume and stale cigarettes.

Yeah, one of those...

OK so maybe you're thinking, oh it's not that bad, or you'll cherish these moments some day. Maybe you're right, someday. But tonight is not, someday. Nope, tonight is pure and simple...hell.

Now for a father of two girls the pain of this night starts a few weeks before the actual event, with the dresses.

Yes, each girl clown must have a new dress. And this new dress must be accompanied by new shoes and of course some sort of sweater to go over the top of the new dress you just purchased for no less than a small fortune....are you starting to feel the pain?

On the evening of the event it is rush, rush, rush. Rush to get home from work. Rush to get baths for the clowns. Rush to get dinner done. Rush to get said girl clowns ready. Because you have to get there early to get a good seat right? So all this rushing around is followed by whining, arguing and plenty of girl sassing....apparently my nine year old feels she should be allowed to wear eye make up.

So now all this rushing around has paid off as we're only 15 minutes late and are forced to squeeze into the back of the gym bleachers next to that smelly old lady.

Now at this point the only thing better than having your five year old put a knee in your back while sitting in the sauna, I mean gym, is having someone else's five year old put a knee in your back.

Finally after listening to the third graders butcher Beethoven on the bells, and the choir chop up Jolly Old Saint Nick, it's on to a rendition of the classic A Christmas Carol, elementary style...thank goodness for smart phones. Yep...that's an hour and half I'll never get back.

And to think. I've still got five years of these things...


1 comment:

  1. This will be my first year going to the program in the elementary school. Before this Bud has been in private nursery school programs so it wasn't too jam-packed. I imagine our evening will be VERY similar to yours. Thanks for the heads up on bringing the smart phone (or in my case, my iPod). I'm just going to have to figure out how to keep my husband from getting to it first. He's strong.

    Honestly, my main concern is that Bud is going to be picking his nose the entire time on stage. I already know he will be roaming around and not singing, picking his nose will just be icing on the cake!