So as you know we went to Disney World last week. We had a great time. We met the mouse and his wife, girlfriend, partner, whatever she is. We rode the rides, saw the parade, swam in the ocean and in general had a great time.
Along the way I learned a few things about my family. You know you tend to get to know people when you're in a van for 14 hours. Yes, unfortunately we drove down there. We had that van so packed full of crap that the Clampett's would have made fun of us.
So anyway without further ado, here are the things I learnt on my vacation. I know you ain't s'posed to say learnt, but I figured with the whole Hillbillies go to Disney thing and all I'd just go with it.
...I learnt that I truly am a Road Ninja. I drove 911 miles one way, straight through on the return trip. This is nearly a 15 hour drive to a mortal. However, I did it in 14 flat, stopped for lunch, hit the drive thru for dinner, got gas twice and peed. Yeah, I'm Batman.
...I learnt that my oldest clown discovered that sand does goes where the sun don't shine.
...I learnt that my youngest clown is torn between two lovers. Star Wars and Pirates of the Caribbean. We rode a Star Wars ride twice and the Pirates three times. And he'd have stayed in the gift shops all day had we let him.
...I also learnt that said boy clown would have been content to drive 911 miles just to jump on the beds in the hotel.
...I learnt that my middle clown is a princess through and through. Although I already knew that, so I guess it was more of a confirmation.
...I learnt that it is scientifically impossible for all three of my clowns to get along for longer than two hours while on vacation.
...I learnt that clowns do not tell you when they sort of have to go to the bathroom but rather they wait until they...gotta go really bad.
...I learnt that my oldest clown enjoys scary rides, and the other two do not.
...I learnt that a clown will spit in your face, if you're holding them in the ocean with waves crashing in on you.
...I learnt that I, just like my father before me, managed to make my child cry on a ride at Disney. Damn you Space Mountain.
Speaking of crying.
...I learnt that for the Happiest Place on Earth, there sure were a lot of kids crying there.
...I learnt that the boy child thinks it's appropriate to scream/sing, This is How We Do it, over and over while on the crapper in the hotel room. Who knew?
...I learnt that all in all vacations like this bring your family closer together, and give your clowns something to remember for the rest of their lives.
...I learnt that I'd do it all over again just to watch 'em have fun.