Yo Lifers welcome back.
So today was just like any other day at work. Morning coffee, a meeting or two, followed by lunch. Nothing new, no big deal. No drama, no big event even to blog about. Until that is, I nearly lost my pants.
So after lunch I go to the bathroom, no big deal right? Wrong.
You see that picture to your right? Yeah it's a picture of the button off my pants. Yep, it popped right off, you know sort of like that Subway commercial. Now you know you're fat when the button pops off your pants. Now naturally as soon as this happened my quality instincts kicked in and I immediately began to inspect the button and determined that it was faulty, and this clearly is not a case of Dicky Doo.
Now maybe this is no big deal on any other day. Normally I wear a belt, and this would have covered up my missing button, but wouldn't you know it, today I forgot my belt. So I thought, if I can just make it back to my desk I could get some paper clips and make a makeshift latch. But here's the problem with that. With every step I took my zipper fell down, and my pants began to slide down my hips a little. So at this point I'm frantically looking around the men's room for anything that might help me keep my pants up. Yeah nothing.
So I go to the mirror, pull my shirt down to cover myself, pull my zipper up and decide to make a break for it. As long as nobody sees me in passing I should be ok. I'll keep one hand on my zipper and just play it cool right? It's the perfect plan? Wrong again. As soon as I walk out of the bathroom and head back to my desk I immediately see a girl from my department. Great. No, couldn't be another dude right? I mean, I know another dude wouldn't be paying attention to what I'm doing, and even if he did, he certainly wouldn't ask, hey what's up with your zipper man. But nooo. Instead I get a chick, and she's headed right for me. My mind races. Crap what do I do? What if my pants fall down right here on the spot? What if she needs to talk to me? What will I do if she says, can you help me a minute? Man this is going to be embarrassing.
Now luckily I was able to keep one hand on my zipper and get around the corner without making any real eye contact with her. She didn't need me, and she didn't seem to notice. Sweet. Tragedy avoided. So I get to my desk, make me a quick paper clip latch, and quickly put my jacket on again to cover up. I walked around the rest of the day with my jacket on hoping and praying that my fat belly didn't break the 0.45 wire gauge silver jumbo paper clip belt I just whipped up like Macgyver.