Friday, April 15, 2011

Love thy Neighbor

Hey Lifers welcome back.

So the weather is starting to change here in my part of the world. Although today is not a good example. And with that change comes the people. Yeah that's right. Your neighbors. Well my neighbors to be exact. We live just outside the city and folks around here do things just a little bit different then those of you in the city. And I've got a few around here that certainly fit that bill.

First there's the neighbor behind us. Let's call him old naked fat guy and his wife. You see naked fat guy doesn't wear a shirt...ever. Well maybe he does but the only time we ever see this guy he's shirtless. Now the only thing worse then seeing old naked fat guy hanging out around his house is seeing old naked fat guy on his riding lawn mover in the heat of the summer. Yeah I know. Nice visual. Now here's the thing. ONFG is retired, so he really has nothing better to do with his time then to mow his grass. Thanks neighbor...I need to go bleach my eyes now.

So aside from the no shirt thing ONFG is not nearly as bad as neighbor #2. He lives across the street. Now let's just call this guy NEIGHBOR! I call him NEIGHBOR! because every time I see this dude he hollers across the street NEIGHBOR! Now more often then not this is accompanied by him holding up a Pabst Blue Ribbon tall boy. Stay Classy NEIGHBOR!

No big deal you say. Just a friendly guy right? Maybe so, but keep reading. Now a few summers ago he was putting up an addition to his house. He had some buddies helping him, and they had been drinking all day, PBR no doubt. Well apparently he wasn't comfortable with his buddies construction skills and decided to turn all Bruce Lee on the dude. A few of them decided to hop in their cars and peal out down the street. Soon after the Po-Po showed up.

So what, everybody has a neighbor that gets a little out of hand right? Sure. But does everybody have a neighbor that raises deer? Yeah that's right. He raises deer. He keeps them in a pen on the side of his property. He's got about 10 of 'em over there. Now I'm not real sure why he has them, but none the less he does. 

That doesn't sound so bad right? How about this. The first year the DW and I moved out here it was around October. Sometime around the first week of November the DW and I were awakened by gunshots at midnight. Frantically she looked out the window questioning what in the world? Yeah turns out NEIGHBOR! was celebrating the beginning of deer season. Gotta love thy neighbor.


So tell me Lifers. Do you have some crazy neighbors?


  1. He is proof that you cannot wear tight underwear when you have gas.

  2. You aren't alone when it comes to unusual neighbors. The people who live across from us are loners and don't talk to anyone. You can be standing at the edge of the lawn and they can be right across the street looking right at you, and when you wave, they turn their back and look away. Sigh.

  3. Coffeypot~ So you've met him?

  4. Matty~ Yeah we've all got 'em. There is soooo much more for this guy.

  5. I wish I can met him at the Darien library!!! I would sure hope to give him a belly rub!!! That would probably make his day, right??? It would sure make my day if I was fat, like him!!!!! :-)